there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
