so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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