hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
