Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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