people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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