I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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