i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it glows. i had to have it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
