is your mom at the bar?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's blow job season.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
