He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
