hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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