I just pynch a tree in the face
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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