i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
