Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
