I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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