I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I cut my penus on the lid.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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