called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
