Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
