Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
