He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
