you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
