The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
