You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
