he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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