I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
