dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
