there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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