Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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