i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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