Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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