Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
