The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
