I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
