today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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