I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
