a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
