I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
