Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
