dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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