rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
