I just cut my nipple shaving
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
