I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
