I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
