He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
