i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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