my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
