from now on my penis is your penis
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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