Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
