Porn is love you can see.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
