I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
