dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
