the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
