I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
