She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
